“The negative self-talk inside our head plays a huge role in our mental health.”
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Why Listen:
We received a positive response to Episode #320 - Emotional Intelligence (Kerri Meyer), and wanted to go deeper on the topic of Emotional Intelligence. Today’s guest - Dr. Jean Greaves, co-wrote the best-selling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and created TalentSmart® - a consulting firm specializing in emotional intelligence and leadership development. TalentSmart’s products and services are used by 75% of all Fortune 500 companies, and their assessment, the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal®, has been taken by over 1.5M individuals. To say that Dr. Greaves is an expert on Emotional Intelligence would be a gross understatement. For this episode we assume that you have listened to episode #320, which provides a primer on Emotional Intelligence - so if you have not yet listened to that episode - fix yourself. If you have, then strap in for a deep dive on emotional intelligence, which is an absolutely ESSENTIAL skill set to hone for every professional, but - as we’ll talk about today - especially for military Veterans.
About Dr. Jean Greaves:
Dr. Jean Greaves is a cofounder of TalentSmart, the premier provider of emotional intelligence training products and services, used by over 75% of all Fortune 500 companies. She is the best-selling coauthor of the book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and is also a presenter and executive coach in the emotional intelligence, assessments and training & coaching industries. She is skilled in Executive Development, Coaching, and Psychological Assessment. She holds a Ph.D. focused in Industrial & Organizational Psychology from California School of Professional Psychology and a B.A. from Stanford University. Serve as Board Chair for Survivors of Torture International.
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Transcript & Time Stamps:
3:30
Joining me today from San Diego is Dr. Jean Greaves. Dr. Jean Greaves is the CEO of TalentSmart, the premier provider of emotional intelligence training products and services, used by over 75% of all Fortune 500 companies. She is the best selling author of the book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and is also a presenter and executive coach in the emotional intelligence, assessments and training & coaching industries. She is skilled in Executive Development, Coaching, and Psychological Assessment. She holds a Ph.D. focused in Industrial & Organizational Psychology from California School of Professional Psychology and a B.A. from Stanford University. Serve as Board Chair for Survivors of Torture International.
What lead you to start TalentSmart?
The concept of emotional intelligence really came forth to the world in the 1990s. There was an intersection between knowledge coming out of scientific research and soft skills in the workplace.
MRIs indicate that by the time you’ve even thought about a feeling, that feeling has already traveled through the body. The limbic system has already processed those emotions.
We wanted to bring some of these ideas to various corporate trainings. By the time we wrote Emotional Intelligence 2.0, people were already aware of emotional intelligence but wanted to go a bit deeper. We were able to collect data and differentiate people that have high EQs vs. people that have low EQs.
In order to write Emotional Intelligence 2.0, we separated our database into the different factors that people would need to take on in order to become more emotionally intelligent. It ended up being a book of 66 strategies for people to better their emotional intelligence.
A feeling is a piece of data that is trying to grab your attention. Thousands of years ago these feelings were a cue to protect us from predators and increase our chances of survival. Today, our emotional systems work the same way.
12:20
Is there a difference between gut feelings and emotional intelligence?
Gut feelings play a role but in some cases, they can steer us wrong. Think of a hiring situation. Hiring managers will often be biased toward hiring someone that is just like them. They hire based on intuition. We can give them the tools to better gather data about each of the candidates to help them make the best decision for their company.
It’s also important to note that people will express feelings differently. So it’s important to understand what might look like anger or happiness to you may not actually be that.
16:00
How do you think this affects people during the interview process?
I think a lot of times people don’t feel like they can steer the conversation in a particular way. But if you feel like the interviewer isn’t getting the right impression of you, it’s okay to clarify certain things so he or she can understand more about you.
Being emotionally intelligent is based on four skill sets - being self aware, being able to self manager, being socially aware, and being able to manage relationships.
19:00
It seems like working on being more emotionally intelligent is a lifelong journey.
That’s right. Your personality will remain pretty much the same throughout your life. What you can change is your ability to recognize how you can manage your personality in order to succeed in various situations.
At TalentSmart, we talk a lot about leader/follower contagion. This is the idea that your emotions in the workplace are often contagious - for better or worse. Your positive emotions will be absorbed by your colleagues, but so will your negative emotions. People that are emotionally intelligent are able to manage that effectively.
Emotional intelligence is knowing when to be very forthcoming with your emotions and when it’s more appropriate not to share those emotions. But when we don’t acknowledge the emotions that we’re feeling, they can begin to take over in negative ways.
31:15
Can you talk about “fix-it” statements?
A “fix-it” statement is used to repair a conversation that you recognize is at a tense moment or an impasse.
One example might be something like ‘Well I don’t know what the answer is but I know we’ve tackled difficult issues before and I’m sure we can do it again.”
32:40
What do you cover in your book Emotional Intelligence 2.0?
We highlight 66 strategies for becoming more emotionally intelligent. The strategies are separated into the four areas of emotional intelligence - self-awareness, social awareness, self management, and relationship management.
35:20
What would you want veterans to know about emotional intelligence?
When we look at trends by profession, customer service oriented professionals score highest on measures of emotional intelligence. Engineering is on the opposite end of the spectrum. Chronically unemployed individuals also typically score lower on measures of emotional intelligence.
For military members, I would suggest that you use your military training as a tool to build your emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is not something that is rigid - it can be built and improved over time.
During the military transition, be mindful that you’re moving from one culture to another. During that transition, your self-awareness and the observations you can make about your new work culture will be of vital importance to your success.
47:15
What resources would you recommend to listeners?
I would direct someone to our website. We have a whole host of resources available there.
We also did a study with a group of Air Force members that were training a group of Afghan military members. The results of what we found are also on our website.
I recently saw the movie Ford vs. Ferrari. The race car driver in that movie experiences a journey of building emotional intelligence during the course of the film which was really interesting to see.
I also recommend the podcast Invisibilia and the book The Science of Evil.
56:25
How can parents teach emotional intelligence in their children?
You want to give them a language over time to share how they’re feeling. To help them learn how to name their emotions is a true gift.
1:02:20
Is there anything else you’d like to share?
This skillset is learnable within 6-9 months of repeated practice of very specific strategies.