“That day in a battlefield in Iraq, I was doing a POW search and I was going way too fast. I reached in and I saw that there was something on the individual. I pulled it out and saw a long black tube with wires. I heard a ‘thud’ and my only thought was, ‘Wow I just killed myself.’”
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Why Listen:
While Floyd has had an impressive 13-year career as a Sales Executive at Cisco and now as an Executive & Team Coach, in this interview we talk about the work that Floyd does with military marriages. Floyd has done extensive work with military and Veteran relationships, helping couples improve their marriage, as well as helping Veterans be more effective in their working relationships. We cover a lot of ground in this conversation about tactics that can help any listener improve their most important relationships.
About Floyd:
Floyd is a Corporate Sales Executive at CRR Global, which is a coach training school. He also works as the President and Executive & Team Coach at Relatance. He served in the U.S. Army for 13 years, originally enlisting in Infantry, going on to ROTC and then serving as a Company Commander and a Management Information Officer. While on Active Duty, he also obtained his Masters in Management Informational Systems. After the Army, he worked at Cisco for over 14 years, most recently as the Director of Operations Supporting Sales. He is the author of the book, Conscious Leadership in Action.
Our Sponsor:
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Audible is offering one FREE audio book to Beyond the Uniform listeners. You can claim this offer here, and see a list of books recommended by my guests at BeyondTheUniform.io/books
Selected Resources:
* Info about Floyd
* https://www.linkedin.com/in/floyd-carlson/
* Conscious Leadership in Action - https://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Leadership-Action-Floyd-Carlson-ebook/dp/B00ZB59CLW
* John Gottman love maps app
* Gary chapman - 5 love languages military edition
* Gary Chapman 5 Love Languages online assessment
* Gohn gotten workshop: The Art and Science of Love (note: there is a discount for veterans)
* Marcus Buckingham’s Strengths Finder: You can find your five top strengths
* StandBesideThem.org - free coaching for Veterans
Transcript & Time Stamps:
2:55
Joining me today from Minneapolis is Floyd Carlson. Floyd is a Corporate Sales Executive at CRR Global, which is a coach training school. He also works as the President and Executive & Team Coach at Relatance. He served in the U.S. Army for 13 years, originally enlisting in the Infantry, going on to ROTC and then serving as a Company Commander and a Management Information Officer. While on active duty, he also obtained his Masters in Management Information Systems. After the Army, he worked at Cisco for over 14 years, most recently as the Director of Operations Supporting Sales. He is the author of the book, Conscious Leadership in Action.
Could you share a little bit more about your journey as a leader?
During Desert Storm, I had a life changing moment. One day in a battlefield in Iraq, I was doing a POW search and I was going way too fast. I reached in and I saw that there was something on the individual. I pulled it out and saw a long cylindrical black tube with wires. I heard a ‘thud’ and my only thought was, ‘Wow I just killed myself.’ I saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw everyone I loved in their happiest moments. After that experience, I realized that life is all about the relationships you have with those around you. When I had those images flash before me, I saw an image of a young boy that I didn’t recognize. At the time, my wife was pregnant. Four years later, my son looked exactly like the image of the boy I had seen. Those moments caused me to want to be more conscious about the way I showed up in the world.
8:45
How can people gain clarity in their lives?
When I was at Cisco, one of my bosses was a really fantastic leader. A few years ago, we went out to dinner and he told me that I had a lot of talent but I hadn’t reached my full potential. I took that comment back to a career coach I was working with. He asked me two questions - Do you feel worthy and do you really want it. That was a really powerful moment for me because I had to answer ‘no’ to those questions. I realized I needed to dig deeper into what was holding me back.
Through my coaching, I’ve found out that some of the beliefs we pick up in childhood continue to power us as an adult for better or worse. After that conversation with my boss, I was able to take a moment and be really honest with myself and put a plan in place to reach the goals that I truly wanted.
I also had to be receptive to the message my coach was giving me. That comes with hard work which allows you to go deeper into self-discovery mode.
Think of two circles - there’s what happened and there’s the story you tell yourself about what happened. We love to live in the story without asking us what’s actually happening. I encourage people to find various techniques to help them get to the root of what’s actually happening.
20:35
How would you describe what you do for a living?
Right now I do multiple things. The first is that I work in sales at CRR Global. I got that job through a military connection. I can emphasize enough how important your network is. CRR Global does leadership training for individuals. Part of what I do is help bring leadership training to various companies. I’m passionate about the impact Conscious leadership can have in the workplace and at home.
I also started my own consulting organization to help people during various points in their lives. I really love working with couples dealing with deployments and long periods of separation. With the help of various tools, we’re able to create amazing change in these relationships.
24:20
What are common issues you see in military marriages?
When I came back from Iraq, I was different and I wasn’t given the tools to re-integrate myself back into my marriage. When returning from deployment, our service members face a variety of issues. I try to help give these members the tools to manage these issues.
People have unique differences in personalities so it only makes sense that there will be issues along the way. But if you can dialogue around it, that can be very helpful. I recommend the work of John Gottman for anyone that may be looking for additional resources.
Another point in life that can be problematic for couples is when they become empty nesters. Some couples are kind of lost about how to move forward in their relationship. It’s important that couples communicate about what they want that new chapter to look like.
35:00
Are there any resources you recommend?
I highly recommend Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages. There’s also a military edition which is excellent. He also wrote a book called The Five Languages of Appreciation which can be applied to relationships in the workplace.
41:00
What recommendations do you have for military couples?
It’s just like anything - if you want something to grow, you have to be willing to invest time and energy into it. There’s so many tools out there that can help but ultimately, it’s up to you to put in the work.
Preventative maintenance is important. Putting the work in up front makes such a huge difference.
46:00
What does ‘designing an alliance’ mean?
This is when a couple creates guiding principles for how they want to navigate various challenges that may arise. That way, when a situation comes up, there’s already a plan in place for how to handle that issue. Certainly an unexpected situation could come up, so you simply adjust the alliance as you go along to adapt to the current circumstances of your life.
52:50
Is there anything else you’d like to share with listeners?
I hope some of what I’ve shared can be of service to your listeners. I’ve had many transitions in my life. What has been key during those transitions has been making an investment in my network. The other piece of that is to follow what gives you energy rather than what you think the “right” thing to do is. Make sure any job you take aligns with your greatest strengths.