BTU #326 - Loving What Is (Byron Katie)
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Why Listen:
Byron Katie, while not a veteran, has started a movement over the last thirty years that has helped many veterans, myself included. She is the author of three bestselling books (and over a dozen other books mentioned in the show notes for this episode). The book of hers that I read over four years ago is Loving What Is - it is a book that still influences my life today. She has been interviewed by Oprah, praised by Eckhart Tolle and Time Magazine, and was extremely generous with her time with me on today’s interview.
So much of what my guests on the podcast talk about is mindset. Mindset to learn new skills in the workplace. Mindset to find your next mission, purpose, and calling. Mindset in learning what skills to keep from the military, and which ones no longer serve you in your civilian career and life.
In this interview Byron shares as simple process - just four questions you can ask yourself - that can help you in whatever challenges life presents you. For some men and women Veterans Byron has worked with, this includes overcoming PTSD, or healing from an abusive relationship. We also talk about how this process relates to simple, every day occurrences like getting angry at other drivers. We talk about how it relates to hiring for a job.
I love and respect Byron’s work, and it was a real honor to have her join me for this interview.
About Byron:
Byron Katie is a public speaker, writer, and founder of a method of self-inquiry called The Work of Byron Katie or simply The Work.
Byron became severely depressed in her early thirties. After nearly a decade of paranoia, rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide, while in a halfway house for women with eating disorders, Byron experienced a life-changing realization. In that moment, she says,
I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment.
Since then she has shared The Work with millions of people at public events, in prisons, hospitals, churches, V. A. treatment centers, corporations, universities, and schools. “Katie’s events are riveting to watch,” the Times of London reported. Eckhart Tolle calls The Work “a great blessing for our planet.” And Time magazine named Katie a “spiritual innovator for the new millennium.”
She has been interviewed by Oprah Winfrey over three times about her book, Loving What Is, and her work has affected countless lives.
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Partners:
Have you ever wondered how you could become a more effective and balanced leader? Or how to find a team with a high degree of trust that performs at a level you’re accustomed to? Check out The Leadership Podcast where they study what makes the best leaders tick - including many who have moved "beyond the uniform" to reach new levels of success and fulfillment.
Selected Resources:
Byron Katie’s upcoming workshops can all be viewed here
* Another great resource is byronkatie.com/instruction where your listeners can find detailed instructions on how to do The Work including videos material in which Katie walks through identifying a moment of stress and filling in The Worksheet.
Books
Transcript & Time Stamps:
3:30
Joining me today from Ojai, CA is Byron Katie. Byron Katie is a public speaker, writer, and founder of a method of self-inquiry called The Work of Byron Katie or simply The Work.
Byron became severely depressed in her early thirties. After nearly a decade of paranoia, rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide, while in a halfway house for women with eating disorders, Byron experienced a life-changing realization. In that moment, she says,
I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment.
Since then she has shared The Work with millions of people at public events, in prisons, hospitals, churches, V. A. treatment centers, corporations, universities, and schools. “Katie’s events are riveting to watch,” the Times of London reported. Eckhart Tolle calls The Work “a great blessing for our planet.” And Time magazine named Katie a “spiritual innovator for the new millennium.”
She has been interviewed by Oprah Winfrey over three times about her book, Loving What Is, and her work has affected countless lives.
5:00
What lead you to the work you’re doing now?
A lot of suffering for one. In a single moment, I was given the clarity to understand the cause of my suffering. The good news is that you can identify the cause of your suffering and you can start to question those thoughts that are causing anger or depression. You can to to www.byronkatie.com for more resources to help you through this process.
8:10
It’s interesting to think about how sometimes your thoughts can be completely untrue.
Someone can tell you that but the real value is when you start to understand that concept for yourself.
The four questions you need to consider in regards to your thoughts are: Is it true? Can you absolutely know it’s true? How do you react when you believe that thought? What would you be without that thought?
A lot of times people will accumulate negative thoughts and feelings throughout the day and it begins to weigh them down over time.
17:20
Are the first and second questions the same?
No. When you go through these questions it’s important to really slow down as you go through each one in order to discover the subtle differences.
19:00
I like that these techniques allow you to see how you can often make things more difficult for yourself.
This isn’t about faking yourself. It’s about understanding that your part and your thoughts are the cause of your own suffering. I love having that kind of knowledge because it gives me the ultimate power to have a happy life.
Guilt is the breeding ground of all addiction. Our main is addiction is the addiction to being right.
Peace is underrated. It can often look dull but there’s no greater place to be than at peace.
26:40
What would you like people to know about the work you’ve done at VA treatment centers?
I did a lot of work at a VA center in Virginia. I loved it. It happened to be all men that I worked with. It was really powerful.
28:25
Can you talk about how these veterans used the techniques you taught them?
A lot of people with PTSD are really stuck in their heads. My job is to go into their head with them and help them start adjust their mindset. These are fantastic people that are stuck in another time and place.
The actual experience is one thing but what’s more important is what we then go on to think and believe about that experience.
A lot of veterans have anxiety surrounding finding a job after they leave the military. You have the thought that you deserve a job. Then you should start going through the four questions.
What I love about this work is that I see how reframing your thoughts can change how you show up in the world everywhere.